![An Analysis of the Lyrical Quality of Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend”
[Excluding the magnificent chorus]
A - in which Biz rhymes concert with “short miniskirt” and works his way around talking about a girl “from the US nation.” Auspicious beginnings.
B - “tried to pretend” / “only have a friend” - the pinnacle of the lyrics. Works perfectly, and the slight stumble sets up the crux of the rest of the song. Comparable to that scene in Flaubert’s “A Simple Heart” in which the rhythm of the original French slows and imitates a heart beat at the climactic moment of Felicite’s death.
C - “I have friends, and that’s a fact / like Agnes, Agatha, Germaine, and Jacq.” In my tutoring days, I would circle this and write next to it “RELEVANCE?”
D - Thoroughly middling. Minimal slant rhyme but furthers the plot, especially as Biz begins to grow suspicious.
E - “I went to her dorm. / This guy made me fill out a visitor’s form.”
F - “I arrived in front of her dormitory / Yo, could you tell me where is door three.” This line was the inspiration for this entire post. I fucking hate this line. What dorm has a room #3? Who gets lost when there are so few fucking doors that you need guidance to the third room? This is the lyric equivalent of a flashlight going dead in a horror movie. Cheap anxiety.
G - “So please listen to the message that I say / Don’t ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend.” - This actually goes in with my Grand Theory of “Just A Friend” which says that Biz Markie’s effort in writing lyrics parallels the faith and excitement he has over this duplicitous ladyfriend, so by the end of the song he’s given up entirely
Let me remind you all this is all for a song in which Biz named the lead love interest “Blah blah,” that he only rhymes once (with “very big bra”*).
*rating of 5 - moderately legit. it’s charming!](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lskq2pEyw21qzhycvo1_500.jpg)
An Analysis of the Lyrical Quality of Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend”
[Excluding the magnificent chorus]
A - in which Biz rhymes concert with “short miniskirt” and works his way around talking about a girl “from the US nation.” Auspicious beginnings.
B - “tried to pretend” / “only have a friend” - the pinnacle of the lyrics. Works perfectly, and the slight stumble sets up the crux of the rest of the song. Comparable to that scene in Flaubert’s “A Simple Heart” in which the rhythm of the original French slows and imitates a heart beat at the climactic moment of Felicite’s death.
C - “I have friends, and that’s a fact / like Agnes, Agatha, Germaine, and Jacq.” In my tutoring days, I would circle this and write next to it “RELEVANCE?”
D - Thoroughly middling. Minimal slant rhyme but furthers the plot, especially as Biz begins to grow suspicious.
E - “I went to her dorm. / This guy made me fill out a visitor’s form.”
F - “I arrived in front of her dormitory / Yo, could you tell me where is door three.” This line was the inspiration for this entire post. I fucking hate this line. What dorm has a room #3? Who gets lost when there are so few fucking doors that you need guidance to the third room? This is the lyric equivalent of a flashlight going dead in a horror movie. Cheap anxiety.
G - “So please listen to the message that I say / Don’t ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend.” - This actually goes in with my Grand Theory of “Just A Friend” which says that Biz Markie’s effort in writing lyrics parallels the faith and excitement he has over this duplicitous ladyfriend, so by the end of the song he’s given up entirely
Let me remind you all this is all for a song in which Biz named the lead love interest “Blah blah,” that he only rhymes once (with “very big bra”*).
*rating of 5 - moderately legit. it’s charming!
If you ever ask yourself what is a Marionberry, take a sec to see how far the rabbit hole goes.
Call it what it is. THE INCEST BERRY.
Things I’ve Learned in College in Chart Form, Part II.
The Credibility Camel phenomenon - When presenting a mock product or solution in class, the audience of peers will always ask questions about implementation and feasibility. The number and intensity of questions is directly connected to the level of technology present in the solution yet that relationship is not addressed in the questions.
Example:
- 100% analog/No technology: “Seems legit. No problems here.”
- Website without a mobile/app presence: “Okay, I see some serious issues…”
- Website with mobile/app presence: “Seems okay.”
- Technology that will likely be possible in 6-18 months (e.g.g accessing point-of-sale data through credit card purchases): “THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN, I JUST DON’T SEE HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE.”
- Technology far off in the future (Flawless audio-based natural language processing and translation/civilian jet packs): “Brilliant. Seems legit. No issues here.”
Things I’ve Learned in College in Chart Form, Part I.
ON RAINDROPS ON ROSES AND WHISKERS ON KITTENS AND OTHER FAVORITE THINGS.
False. Favorite things of mine include viral videos and thought experiments about engaging terrifying robots in combat, and HOT DAMN, my new research project is about modern military technology.
I made this chart because VISUALIZING INFORMATION is another one of my favorite things ever.
My boss explained that he wanted visitors to be overwhelmed, more than a little frightened, profoundly reflective, yet hopeful about military and civilian life both here and abroad, with slight undertones of art-imitating-life or is it life-imitating art re: military technology and popular culture that kisses the feet of the military-industrial complex (dear readers, this sentence/sentiment is very elegant in German).
At this point, my notes from this meeting with my boss get really messy because I have written in huge letters “BIG DOG. GET BIG DOG.” I want to put it and its creepy Darpa/Lockheed/etc. comrades locked away in a MUSEUM, but not just any museum, a museum that is THOUSANDS of miles away from me, exactly where I want them, come the eventual robot uprising.
jk who would ever trust me with getting a Big Dog even for educational purposes, but OH MY GOD, I just spent hours paging through defense contractor press releases and various Wired.comish weapons nerd blogs to find A+ demonstration videos and read about what horrors the future will bring.
OH YEAH MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
DROPPING NINETEENTH-CENTURY RAILROAD KNOWLEDGE ON YOU ALL.
